Stages of drunkenness

Now I’m fixed, X says, are you? I haven’t drunk as much as you, I say. I need to eat, this is madness. There are certain stages of drunkenness you have to learn before you know what it means to drink, he says, certain comforts and discomforts and highs and lows you have to go through before you learn not to get excited. It’s a question of experience, he says. I don’t want to know, I say, why would I want to become like you? You should learn how to drink all day, he says undeterred, keep a steady pace, it’ll teach you not to get too excited. That’s your biggest problem, he says, you’re too excitable. Stay tepid, he says, like this ale, it’s our only hope. It’s when you get excited that they notice us. That’s what steady drinking teaches you, he says. I need to eat something, I say, let’s go.